Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Settling in and Moving On

There are times when I think I could just sit at the desk and stare at the fountain outside for hours. Since we recently moved, one of our balconies now overlooks a giant fountain in the main parking lot. I'm not usually a water person. I appreciate water and all, but it's not my focus; I'm an earth sign. My son is a water baby. Still, it's hypnotic to watch the way the water rises up and continually falls down in a never-ending rush, spraying out over the three tiers and cascading back into the pool at the bottom. The sound itself entwines the senses, sort of like white noise, blocking out all sorts of random real world noise.

I'm pondering bad karma. A friend of mine told me I've accumulated quite a bit of it here in Arizona, that I'm not supposed to be here. Here, as in Arizona, or here, as in Mesa/Phoenix? It's a fair question, and I do believe she has a point. Since we've been out here, we've experienced bad vibe after bad vibe: constant financial distress, many problems with the cars--each incident right after another, dissatisfaction in our marriage, my husband's job woes, my job woes, etc. The only thing that's worked out has been (finally) the service for our son.

It's quite a conundrum. I love Arizona, I love the area we're in. I love the fact that we can drive two hours in any direction and hit something really neat. I've always felt a connection with the place--although maybe that's more with different areas. Like Tombstone, for instance. Or Sedona.

On the flip side, my hubby has been unhappy here nearly since he got here. With the bad things that have happened, I can't say as I blame him.

We have a history of moving out here. We got here in October 07. Moved two years later. August 2011, and we just got into a new place. Two years seems to be the key where we keep moving. Well, as we just now moved I don't see us going in the immediate future.

But if we were to move, where to? We had thought of Las Vegas before my son got his services, as some of my family is up there. Kansas, while the place where the rest of our families reside, is the last place I want to go back to. I hate Kansas; sorry, but it's not where I want to be. Love all the people, but not the actual living there.

So what's the right answer then? If we don't belong here, then where do we belong?

All I know is I am sick and tired of trials and tribulations. I want to rest. I want to relax. I want to be able to enjoy life instead of surviving it. Those moments of respite are thirsted after like--pun intended--water in the desert. I crave stability, peace and an ability to enjoy things. I don't want an ulcer. Or an aneurism. I feel like I'm going to have both sometimes.

It can't be time, though. Of course, I've never been good at reading signs, omens, that sort of shtick. Usually things have to smack me in the face before I get it.

I'm adrift right now, in so many ways. I don't feel like there's a good port anywhere. (Erg, sea metaphors.)

Maybe the truth is, there is no safe harbor.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Pre-Dawn Thoughts

It's 5 a.m and I am awake, getting ready for work.

The nice thing about this time of day is that it's quiet... except for the hamster that is currently going to town on her wheel. And the occasional yowl from one of my cats. But other than that, quiet.

We finally finished moving, and now comes the dreaded unpacking and organizing. The nice thing about it, is it's yet another opportunity to go through old items, rationalize what to keep, and give away others to needier homes. Yesterday I gave away a couple of purses and a hat, among other things, to a friend.

The writing process can be very similar. Rather, the editing process. It's interesting: whenever I go through past works, I can be very hard on them. I bemoan certain creative decisions, long for new ones, and ponder the justification of starting over again.

I have stories I've written at different periods in my life that certainly reflect those times, thus affecting the voice in each story. Can't say as I'm pleased with all of them, but then I wonder, should I change them? After all, the voice of each story is unique, and sometimes it's very difficult to recapture that voice once it's been dormant for awhile. If I'm lucky, a little tweaking is all I need. In the more standard scenario, a very big rewrite is required.

Then again, if I could focus on one thing at a time, I'd probably accomplish a lot more!

Perhaps my ability to wax eloquent will come after my first cup of coffee. I'm going to assume that. In the meantime, have a great day, all!


Monday, August 8, 2011

Lazily Lapsing and Other Proactive feats

Good morning, all!

Last I spoke, I was obsessed with Harry Potter. Still am, but I think I'm managing to get my life under control now. I will merely say this: the first time I watched the movie, I was grossly disappointed in it. It was not the way I'd pictured it at all. So many things were left out or altered! Gah!

Then I got my disappointment out of the way, and saw it again, and cried like a little girl throughout the whole thing. Being able to appreciate it as it is, it does seem a fitting end. Except for the fact they blatantly did not have Harry repair his wand. What??? Don't look at me like that--Harry loved his phoenix wand, and he made sure to repair it before getting rid of the Elder Wand!

Okay, okay. Fact: emotional journey, utterly complete, and there better be a hell of a lot of deleted scenes on the DVD. And I want to huggle the entire cast.

As of late, I've been inundated with loads of new ideas for books. Sadly, I have not been inundated with loads of words to write, nor time to use. What's a girl to do? I currently have some new folders on my computers with ideas ready to use. Now the words need to come back.

I think it's time for a visit to my old friend and muse, Thoth. After all, he's the Guy with the Words.

It's very difficult to shove through the blockage of words and get going again. A few things that I find helpful are:

1. Leaving it alone. Sometimes when it's all ready, everything will start back up on its own.

2. Having a writing sprint. Just write for a short amount of time, about anything, it doesn't have to make sense. It's a fabulous tool. Make sure you have the volume up or the evilness will not work.

3. Do a search online for writing exercises: there are some great ones at I.e: take a picture and write a story about it. That's one I'm saving for the writing group.

4. Write about your day in the form of a monologue. You can make it simple, straight forward, or embellish it.

5. Keep a dream journal. Sometimes inspiration will come from those kooky things in your subconscious. Make sure it's by your bed so as soon as you wake up you can write it down. Great fodder there!

6. Write a fan fiction. Seriously. Love Torchwood? Can't get enough Potter? Want to do Star Trek? Hell, want to continue a story that your favorite novelist could have done more with? Do it! Just get the words out!

So I hope those tips help out. I may even take myself up on them!

My wish is good writing to you all, and may the words come as smoothly as free-flowing milk chocolate.

Mmmmm, chocolate...